Wants & Needs

My lifestyle is very different these days to how it used to be. I really have to think before I buy things or go out or plan travel. Money is a much more constant worry than it had been, especially in the last few years. Being upper middle class is WAY more comfortable than being lower middle class. However, I'm so grateful that it's not as difficult as I had anticipated it would be.
I am SO incredibly thankful that when Frank left me he offered me a financial agreement that pays my bills. I also still have health insurance for which I'm eternally grateful. The little stuff, clothes, food & any extra curricular activities I indulge in come from my own paychecks & from the fact that I have a roommate. Some weeks there isn't much for fun stuff because my job isn't consistent. Other weeks, I feel lucky.
I have no idea how long this will last or what my future holds & sometimes that's quite terrifying. But, for now, I'm ok. I'm probably not going on some great international travel adventure (again) any time soon & going back to school is currently out of the question. I'll likely need another job when the busy tourist season is over, but I'm trying to have faith that that will happen easily. I know I need to think about long term plans....and I will...eventually.
One thing I really miss about being more financially secure? The ease & ability to donate to anything I wanted. I've always given money when my friends have done charity races or fundraisers. I've given to Planned Parenthood, Greenpeace, Sierra Club, Doctors Without Borders, The Nature Conservancy, St. Jude & my local NPR station regularly for many years. It really sucks to not be able to do that any more.
Thankfully, I've always been one to look for good deals & to try to be frugal w/out sacrificing quality. When travelling I'll happily stay at a place that provides breakfast, taking extras for snacks & getting stuff for sandwiches for lunch, so that I can have that one fancy incredible meal or do that expensive, but awesome activity that I've dreamed about.
My life has changed dramatically in the last year. I think that's pretty clear to everyone. Some days are much harder than others. I STILL have moments when I'm caught off guard & overwhelmed emotionally. I'm still scared. And lonely. But I also am beginning to see ME again and I know that somehow, someway I'm gonna be ok. At least, I think I am.