Random InBetween Post

I plan to write about our awesome trip to Denver soon. However, some other things come to mind first & I feel like I need to at least sort of write them down before they just blur together w/ the rest of life. I won't go in to much detail now because I'm tired, but I need to write things down now to remind myself in the next couple of days. So, this may not make sense to you now, but hopefully it will in a couple days. And, it will probably create more insight into who I am than you ever wanted to know.

Neil Young wrote a song "Old Man" - my mom played this for her alcoholic father when she got out of rehab, before he died of cancer. It played on the radio the other day while F & I were visiting her. So told us the story (one I had heard before, but F never had)...we all cried.

I realized a few things about myself. I'm a lot like my mom. I'm also a lot like my dad. Neither raised me. Also, this year was the first year in as long as I can remember that I didn't receive some kind of note, card, letter, etc. from my father for my birthday. I usually find myself hurt, aggravated, annoyed, frustrated by the intrusion (he makes) into my life...this year, I was a little wounded because there was nothing in the mail.

Is it because I'm trying to become a mother that I suddenly have such strong feelings regarding my own parents, despite the fact that they didn't raise me & I have been happily and healthily (for the most part) accepting of this for a very, very long time?

We had so much fun in Denver. We really liked the city, got to spend some quality (albeit often nerve-wracking) time w/ my mother, got along super great w/ my aunt & uncle whom we stayed with. PLUS, the MNF game rocked & the STEELERS won.

So, why the fuck did I come home w/ SO much on my mind?

I think I'm going to write my father a letter. Just typing that freaks me out. My grandmother (his mother, who raised me) will be very happy. I'm scared, but I feel like all signs are pointing to this as something I need to do.

I'm sure this is rambling and more than you planned on, but...well, I guess that's often who I am.

Neil Young - Old Man

Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.
Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.

Old man look at my life,
Twenty four
and there's so much more
Live alone in a paradise
That makes me think of two.

Love lost, such a cost,
Give me things
that don't get lost.
Like a coin that won't get tossed
Rolling home to you.

Old man take a look at my life
I'm a lot like you
I need someone to love me
the whole day through
Ah, one look in my eyes
and you can tell that's true.

Lullabies, look in your eyes,
Run around the same old town.
Doesn't mean that much to me
To mean that much to you.

I've been first and last
Look at how the time goes past.
But I'm all alone at last.
Rolling home to you.

Old man take a look at my life
I'm a lot like you
I need someone to love me
the whole day through
Ah, one look in my eyes
and you can tell that's true.

Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.
Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.