MIssing Out

I often have this fear that I'm missing out on life, that I'm not doing what I actually want to be doing, that I'll never manage to succeed in living the kind of life that I want. I guess it partially ties into the feeling of life being monotonous. I know this is not what I want out of life.
I respect that there's a certain part of everyone's lives that is just day to day, even people living outrageous lives have some crappy requirements they have to keep up with, or chores that need to be done, or a simple routine, so I know there's no escaping somethings. But...but...but...eh, I don't know.
There's got to be more to my life than this, am I delusional to think this? I feel like I'm constantly waiting in limbo. I'm so bored. I need something more challenging, interesting, exciting.
Will the rest of my life start any time soon? Does it have to depend so much on my debt? Like, I wonder if I would be living a similar life right now if my debt was paid off. I don't think I would be. It would be so much easier to pick up and go. To travel more often. To move abroad for a couple months. Ugh. I know that I'm working towards the goal of having that kind of freedom and I hope that life is more gratifying when I do, but for now I'm still here in limbo dreaming of my "real" life.
Somewhere in the back of my head I've always felt like this awesome opportunity was going to come my way, but maybe that's just something I've convinced myself of because I'm too _______(fill in the blank w/personality trait here) to make my life what I want all on my own. I could see Frank & I moving up to Portland, buying a little house, having a kid and being all domestic in our own weird way. I could work part time, take care of the baby, be involved in the community, work on weird art projects, take yoga and be the super liberal, artsy, awesome mom/wife I'd like to be.
OR
We could sell all this furniture, clothing, electronic stuff and go abroad...work in Denmark for a year, or cruise the Central America scene, grab a backpack and spend a year scoping out Europe, learn how to sail and work on a boat, volunteer in Africa. Live a different kind of life for awhile, live in a new culture, see the world, do something that matters, push the boundaries of our comfort zone.
Either way, somethings got to give 'cause I'm feeling antsy again. Maybe I just need a new job or a new hobby, something different in my boring day to day life. Even with that though, I have to truly wonder if I'm ever going to stop dreaming, stop looking for there to be something more. Maybe there just isn't anything more for me, this is it, in all it's glory. I have no career, no family of my own, no house, none of the things that other people strive for in life, but I don't think any of those things would give me the fulfillment that I'm seeking. In the simplest of terms, those aren't my dreams.
Eh, who knows. I suppose for now I'll just keep chugging away at that debt and knowing that someday I'll have more financial freedom and maybe that will be the motivation I need to follow my dreams or atleast put a thumb down on exactly what it is I'm looking for.



And that is why this blog is called Rambling Alethea.